


Forgiveness and Understanding

by EccentricRavenclaw



Category: American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Asylum
Genre: Abuse, Bananun, Exorcism, F/F, F/M, Innocent Sister Mary Eunice, Rape/Non-con Elements, Slow Burn, Victim Blaming, buckle in its a rough ride, consider these a trigger warning for every chapter, dark themes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 15:41:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16043486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EccentricRavenclaw/pseuds/EccentricRavenclaw
Summary: Sister Mary Eunice wakes up after her exorcism to find she holds the key to catching a serial killer, and the man she raped insists they must get married. Willing to do anything to atone for her perceived sins during her possession, she agrees. Can a traumatized but plucky reporter convince her to leave a horrible marriage and learn to forgive herself? And will they be able to take down Briarcliff and Doctor Arden on their way?





	Forgiveness and Understanding

Sister Mary Eunice clutched the side of her pillow as she awoke from her peaceful slumber, the small window in the room allowing a beam of sunlight to shine across her face. How long had she been sleeping? She wondered, as she stretched an arm out, playing with the sunlight against her fingertips. Suddenly panic clenched her heart. None of this was right, why had she slept? The Demon never let her sleep. How could she control her own movement? She flung out of bed, examining her own body, still clothed in her dirty habit. Racking her brain she, tried to find where the demon had gone. Part of her wondered briefly if she was the demon, if they had become one after sharing a brain for so long.

Quickly however, her eyes fell onto the red marks around her wrists and ankles. It all came rushing back, in her memory the Monsignor and Father Malachi stood above her, chanting their prayers as the demon inside her fought and screamed and scratched to be let loose from the restraints holding the nun’s body to the table. To the side Dr. Arden stood, monitoring her vitals and warning Monsignor and Father Timothy not to hurt her. Instead of being reassuring, his hands on her body were more uncomfortable than the demon being ripped from her. After weeks of watching helplessly as the demon revealed who the Doctor really was, what he had done and what he had wanted to do to her, she couldn’t stand to look at the man who had once seemed so grandfatherly to her without wanting to wretch.

A soft knock on the door startled her back from her memory and a man’s voice called out to her, “Sister Mary Eunice? Are you awake in there? It’s me, Kit. Kit Walker. Can I come in?” The frightened young woman didn’t trust her voice to answer, so instead she softly padded over to the door, opening it just enough to see Kit’s face. “Sister Mary Eunice, I’m glad you’re okay, may I please come in? I need to talk to you. Urgently.”

Before her possession, she would have shook in fear of being alone with Kit Walker, the killer of women. But now, she knew his true intentions and history, she knew Kit Walker was not only an innocent man, but a good man. Oh how the demon had hated that goodness, but Sister Mary Eunice wrapped herself in it, flinging herself into his arms with a sob.

“There there Sister, it’s gonna be okay you hear me?” he said walking her into the room and closing the door behind him. Suddenly Mary Eunice froze. Kit Walker was not Bloody Face, Bloody Face was Oliver Thredson, and she had let him go. She had hurt Kit’s chances of being proven innocent, she had set him loose to find and destroy that tape and to hurt Lana Winters again. Sister Mary Eunice quivered at the memory of what he had done to Lana, and she had allowed him to roam free where Lana was being wrongfully imprisoned. 

“I’m, I’m so suh-sorry Kit. I’m so sorry I let him go. You’re innocent and I let the real killer go I’m so sorry. Oh god what if he hurts Lana again I’m so stupid how could I-” Mary Eunice sputtered her apologies through her sobs, pulling away from Kit.

“Sister, it’s okay. We know that wasn’t you. It was that- that thing inside of you. We all heard the exorcism, the power went out, the whole building shook, we could hear you screaming.” Kit shook his head, still taken aback at the whole ordeal. “And they thought my story of little green men was crazy.” Sister Mary Eunice gave a small chuckle at the last part, and allowed Kit to comfort her again, leaning onto his shoulder as they sat on her bed.

“Sister, I know you’ve been through a lot,” he said, making earnest eye contact and sighing when Sister Mary Eunice bowed her head in shame. “And I don’t want to add to that, or scare you, I really don’t, but you need to know you’re in danger. And Lana and I need your help.”

Sister Mary Eunice tensed against Kit’s sideways embrace, eyes darting back up to his face. “Danger? But the demon, it’s gone, right? It can’t come back, Father Malachi and the Monsignor they-” suddenly images of the Monsignor, sweaty and writhing beneath her, flashed through her mind. She blinked and tried to push the thought of it away. The sounds of him pleading for her to stop, her internal wailing and futile attempts to control her body and stop the demon as it slid the Monsignor inside of her.

“No, not the demon, it’s not coming back, at least I don’t think so, I don’t really know how things like that work though.” guilt settled in Kit’s stomach as he realized how futile his attempts to comfort her where. But he continued anyway, knowing he didn’t have time to try and comfort her any more “I’m talking about Doctor Thredson. He knows you found out that he’s Bloody Face while you were- while you weren’t you. He’ll try to, to silence you if he thinks you remember. Lana and I have been keeping an eye on your room the past few days, I’m so glad I was the first to find you now that you’re awake.”

Kit’s words ran through Sister Mary Eunice’s mind, he’ll try to silence you, he means he’ll try to kill me. Maybe that’s what I deserve, after everything I’ve done. Maybe I should let him she thought.

“Sister, you have to help us get this tape out,” he said, words tinged with desperation as he pushed it into her hands. “No one will listen to us, but you can go to the Monsignor, tell him what you know, give him the tape, he’ll believe you” Kit said.

“I highly doubt the Monsignor will want anything to do with me,” Sister Mary Eunice mumbled in response, her eyes watering at the memories still violently repeating themselves in her mind.

“Please Sister, you have to try. It’s the only way to save any of us. If Thredson doesn’t get arrested I’ll never be free, Lana will never be free, and neither will you. You could try and convince him you don’t remember anything but he’s a meticulously evil man. He won’t leave you alone if there’s even a chance you might remember.” Kit gingerly wrapped her hand in his own, eyes pleading with her to save them all.

“I’ll- I’ll try. I really will, but no one really listened to me before, and I don’t think my chances have improved at all after what I’ve done.”

“You’ve done nothing. It was that thing, that monstrosity that took you that did those evil things. I consider myself an excellent judge of character, and I’ve seen none of that evil in you, not the real you Sister.” Kit reassured her, but it took no burden off Sister Mary Eunice’s heart. She still felt the weight of everything the demon had made her do, every life she endangered, or ruined, even the ones she took. She would never be free of those sins.

Footsteps carried down the hall and Sister Mary Eunice tensed up, afraid of who it could be. “I should go,” Kit said, quickly standing up and leaving her alone on the bed, her side suddenly cold without someone next to her. “I’m sorry Sister, no one can find me here, if you see Thredson don’t let him know you remember anything. Make sure you’re never alone with him. Please be safe.” He dashed out of the room before Sister Mary Eunice could even respond. Suddenly she was alone and scared again, footsteps drawing nearer. She tucked the tape under her pillow quickly, realizing it could be Dr. Thredson approaching. But as her door opened without a knock, she saw Monsignor Timothy step into her room.

Shame burned red in her cheeks and she quickly faced the floor, unable to look directly at the man she had violated.

“Mary Eunice,” he greeted her stiffly. “I see you’ve finally awoken.”

Tears welled up in her eyes as she tried to find the words to say to him. “I- I’m so sorry Monsignor” she croaked, shaking her head at the floor as tears fell onto her lap.

“So you do remember,” he said, his tone heavy as he sighed and took a couple steps towards her. He towered over the small woman as her shoulders sank deeper with shame. “There’s no need to call me Monsignor anymore, Timothy will do. The right to serve this church honestly has been taken from me.” his words were laced with venom, eyes burning down at her.

“But, it wasn’t your fault,” she whispered.

“No, it wasn’t. It was yours.” Violently the former Monsignor snatched her wrist, dragging her up from the bed and forcing her to stand. Their faces now mere inches apart, forcing her to see the anger in his eyes as he spat, “for days you’ve slept while I’ve figured out how to clean up the mess you put us in. You stole everything from me, your disgusting actions have ruined any standing either of us had in this institution. Neither of us may serve in good faith after what you’ve done. You’re nothing but a little whore.” He threw her back onto the bed as her chest constricted with panicked sobs.

The Monsignor was no longer the Monsignor, and she was no longer Sister Mary Eunice. All because of her, what she had done. Mary Eunice gasped for breath as the world around her spun, her heart beating so fast she was sure her body could not contain it.

“For God’s sake pull yourself together Mary. You did this, and now we both must suffer the consequences. We are bonded now, because of your actions. We must do what is right to fix this in the Lord’s eyes.” He was pacing now, his anger tinged with irritation. Mary Eunice had done this to him, he thought. She had ruined everything and now he was the only one capable of salvaging their situation without becoming hysterical.

Mary Eunice tried to pull herself together. If he thought it possible to fix this, she would do whatever he asked of her. She sat up, hand brushing the tape under her pillow as she tried to regulate her breathing and stop the flow of tears. The tape- she had already forgotten about it. The threat of Doctor Thredson loomed heavy in her mind. The Monsignor (no, Timothy, she corrected herself) he wasn’t the only one she had hurt. Kit didn’t deserve to be locked in here, and more importantly, Lana was in grave danger with Thredson roaming the halls. She had to make sure she was safe, and she would never be safe until her tormentor was behind bars. However much she wanted to give up, to let just let Thredson kill her to relieve her from this life, she knew she had things to make up for first. She would fix every wrong she had done before she left, and whatever it was the Timothy wanted from her to make up for she had done to him, she wouldn’t be able to do it if Bloody Face killed her first.

She gathered her strength, gripping the tape and holding it out to the frustrated man pacing her room. “What the hell is this?” he questioned, pausing his pacing.

“Evidence.” replied Mary Eunice, her voice quivering despite her best efforts. “Kit Walker is innocent, Doctor Thredson is Bloody Face. Th-the Demon found out made me free him after Lana got this confession from him. We have to call the police, he has to be arrested to keep Lana safe, to free Kit, but if he finds out I know he’ll kill me, please Mo- Timothy. Please help them and I’ll do whatever you want. Please” her tears flowed harder now as she begged. Timothy slowly took the tape from her.

He paused for a moment, thinking. “I will alert the authorities, and give them the tape.” he finally said, much to Mary Eunice’s relief. Then he continued, “We can’t have anyone murdering you now that you are to become my wife.”

A small gasp escaped Mary Eunice’s mouth. She must have misheard him, she thought. He can’t possibly mean that, he can’t possibly want that. “What did you say?” she asked her voice small and nervous.

“You can’t possibly be surprised, Mary. We may no longer serve God in an official capacity, but we must continue to serve him in our hearts and in our lives. Deuteronomy tells us that if a man rapes a woman, he must marry her. Our situation wasn’t explicitly covered in the bible, but nonetheless we can assume he would want the same for us. We were both virgins, pure and true to the lord, but you robbed us of that, and now that we have tasted each other’s flesh we must remain faithful to one another, and true to our God.”

Mary Eunice stared up at him in shock, the anger in his eyes for robbing him of his dreams and ambitions burning holes into her flesh. But there was something else there too, a hunger. She remembered the look in his eyes that night when he came so quickly. He had resisted, it was his obligation to remain true, but his body had betrayed him, a part of him enjoying the sensation that he had not allowed himself. 

He wants to do it again Mary Eunice realized, stomach turning at the idea of him inside her again. After a moment, she softly spoke up, voice shaking with the panic of a caged animal, “Are you sure? I don’t think we should- I don’t know if that’s a good idea. My vows, I took vows of celibacy-”

“Vows which you have already broken.” he crouched down next to her bed and held her quivering face. “You will never be a nun again Mary, the only thing left for you to do is to marry me, to make this right in the eyes of our Lord. You have no other option if you wish to remain in His good graces, and if you refuse, you’re damning me as well.”

Tremors shook Mary Eunice’s lips as tears streamed from her eyes and onto his rough hand. She had wronged him, she had raped him, she had to make it right, if not for herself than for him. If this is what God wanted from her, then she would give it. Slowly she nodded her head, “okay”, she whispered. Then, to her surprise, he kissed her. Just a quick peck, but still her body shook in disgust. He Timothy either didn’t notice her reaction, or didn’t care. 

“Good. The ceremony will be arranged immediately, we must be married quickly in case you’re with child.” That possibility stung Mary Eunice. Of course, the Demon hadn’t used a condom, where would it have even found a condom in a Catholic institution. 

Timothy didn’t care to acknowledge the fear in the broken woman’s eyes as he continued “we can’t stay here of course, as we no longer serve the church. I’ve already gotten hired on as a Professor of Theology at the local community college and am closing on a house for us, tomorrow we’ll be married and I will take you there. It’s nothing special, but it will do. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll phone the police and help clean up the mess you made with Doctor Thredson.” He left the room abruptly, and for the second time since she had awoken Mary Eunice was alone.

Her head spun, trying to process everything that had happened. She was engaged. Tomorrow she would be married to a man she couldn’t even make eye contact with, a man she had never, not even before her possession, felt attracted to. Sure, he was a decent looking man, she wasn’t blind, but the thought of him touching her, his rough hands on her body, his mouth on hers, his penis inside her, it made her shudder.

Eyes burning from tears, she tried to push the thought away. Lana, she had to find Lana, to make sure she was okay. Thredson was yet to be arrested and Mary Eunice couldn’t stand the thought of the reporter being hurt because of her. She made her way through the halls, searching for Lana’s cell, which she found empty. Maybe she was working in the bakery, or playing checkers in the recreation room she thought, trying to stay positive, trying to push away the other possibility, that Bloody Face had her. Her pace quickened into a sprint as she found hurried to the bakery. Oh please God, let her be safe she prayed. Lana has been through to much already. Finally she reached the bakery, and much to her relief, she found Lana, clearly working out her frustrations on a lump of dough, eyebrows creased in frustration.

“Lana?” Mary Eunice whispered. Lana looked up from her work and instantly recoiled at the sight of Mary Eunice, who flinched in return. Of course Lana wouldn’t forgive her as easily as Kit she thought. She was so stupid to assume Lana would be as trusting. She was a reporter, she was distrustful by nature, and after what she went through, Mary Eunice knew if their places had been reversed, she wouldn’t have been able to trust anyone after that.

“Did Kit find you?” asked Lana, eyeing her suspiciously.

“Yes, and I gave the tape to the former Monsignor, they’ll be arresting him soon. Lana I’m so sorry, I can’t believe I let him go, I gave him a position here. I put you in so much danger and I’m so sorry.” Mary Eunice cried, fresh tears dripping down her already blotchy face.

God, she’s a mess Lana thought. She looks like she’s been crying for hours. Mary Eunice sniffled, wiping snot on the sleeve of her habit, it wasn’t like she’d need it anymore afterall. Lana didn’t know if she trusted the woman who had wronged her, after all she didn’t even believe in God, how could she believe in Demons? But something had happened, the exorcism had shaken the whole building. Kit said he had been abducted by little green men and his innocence had given Lana reason to believe him, were demons really that much crazier? Looking at the pitiful woman before her, part of her knew it could not the same woman who had freed her rapist, who had taunted her about her pregnancy. This was the woman who had caved so quickly in the forest in fear of Sister Jude, who fled from the men’s ward crying when Spivey assaulted her.

Still, the reporter clung to her distrust, her bitterness, unwilling to believe Mary Eunice as unconditionally as Kit did. “Stop your crying,” Lana said, irritation in her voice. Mary Eunice winced at Lana’s harsh tone, triggering a small amount of sympathy in her. She walked over to the woman and awkwardly put her hand on her shoulder a half hearted attempt at comfort.

“Well isn’t this something,” said a voice from the other side of the room, sending chills down Lana’s spine. Both women turned sharply to see Oliver Thredson standing in the doorway, a smile on his face. “After all that hard work we did in therapy, you get the hots for a nun? Such a shame Lana, I thought you were a changed woman.” he chided.

Mary Eunice’s eyes widened at the implication, and Lana immediately took her hand off her shoulder. “It’s over for you Thredson, they’re giving the tape to the police as we speak. You can’t hurt anyone else.” despite the confidence Lana fought so hard to muster, her voice shook as she spoke to her tormentor.

Thredson walked over to the women with a slow confidence, chuckling and shaking his head. “Oh Lana, we’re forty five minutes from the nearest police station, we have plenty of time to make our escape and I’m sure to hurt more people before I do.”

“We?” asked Lana, incredulous. “I’m not going anywhere with you you sick fuck.”

“Come on sweetie,” Thredson chided sweetly. “I’ll take our little family somewhere safe. We can run away from all of this and raise our son together.”

Disgusted, Lana took a step back, shaking her head and glaring at the man. “Well, if you won’t come willingly, I guess I’ll have to take you by force.” Lana jolted backwards as he lunged for her, managing to grab a fistful of her hair and drag her to his face. Lana screamed, fighting to get away from him. 

The fear in the voice of the reporter who had intimidated her so much when they first met lit a fire inside Mary Eunice, who had cowered from Thredson from the moment he stepped in the room. “KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF OF HER!” she screamed, hands clasping a knife on the bakery table. 

Suddenly the pressure on Lana’s scalp was gone, Thredson’s arms fell away and were quickly replaced by Mary Eunice’s catching her fall as a knife clattered to the floor. 

Thredson, now on the ground, touched his bloody torso with disbelief, eyes moving from his own wound to the now shaking Mary Eunice. “I didn’t know you had it in you,” he said, with a tone of pleasant surprise. “I mean sure you did when that other thing was controlling you but this, this is all you. Not a sweet little nun anymore I suppose.”

“I’m not even a nun anymore,” she replied, adrenaline and shock coursing through her own veins. Not two hours after she had regained control of her own body and she had killed someone else. But this time they deserved it, she thought. He hurt Lana, he hurt other women, he would have continued to hurt people if they had let him go. God put that knife within arms reach of her for a reason, right?

Thredson chuckled, reclining further on the floor, his blood beginning to pool around him. “Killed by a nun, not even a demonic one, this is a new low.” he held his hand to the wound on his torso, a dull pain beginning to radiate through his body. The more he tried to move his legs, the faster he bled. How long would it take him to bleed out, he thought? How much longer would he be in pain before his life ended? Glancing over at Lana and Mary Eunice, who clung to each other like their lives depended on it, he began to berate them. “You’re both pathetic, even while I die you cower, women are just too weak to enjoy the art of killing. Come on Lana, finish the job, we both know you want to. You tried to kill our child, why not kill me too?” 

Lana was torn, on one hand, she wanted nothing more than to watch him die by her hand, on the other, he deserved a slow and painful death. She listened to his taunts, unflinching. His words couldn’t hurt her now, she had the power.

“And you, Sister,” he sneered, hands now covered in his own blood and face as pale as a ghost. “I heard what you did to Timothy. You ruined his life, you’re disgusting.”

Beside her, Mary Eunice shook, sobs rattling her chest. Thredson’s words couldn’t hurt Lana, but she wouldn’t stand by while he hurt the woman who had saved her. His slow death wasn’t worth that much. Slowly and purposefully, Lana detached herself from Mary Eunice, grabbing the knife and walking over to Thredson, who continued to ramble as he lay dying. “I know what you did with the Monsignor Mary Eunice. You’re nothing but a little whore.” Lana sunk the knife directly into his heart, twisting as the life fell from his face. “I can’t say I didn’t enjoy that you son of a bitch.”

“You killed him,” Mary Eunice gasped softly, surprised.

“You stabbed him first,” Lana retorted, chuckling softly before she slid to the floor next to Mary Eunice.

“I- You make a fair point,” she conceded. They fell silent after that, the weight of the situation sinking in as they sat, Mary Eunice leaning on Lana’s shoulder ever so slightly, watching the blood drain out of Bloody Face’s corpse. Fresh guilt began to set into Mary Eunice, realizing she had just stabbed a man. At least Lana had struck the final blow, Lana deserved to see her rapist die, surely God could not fault her for that. When it came to herself though, Mary Eunice didn’t think she would ever find forgiveness for all she had done.

“He’s really dead,” Lana whispered in disbelief.

“Yeah,” agreed Mary Eunice. “But, what do we do now?”

“The police are coming, right?” Mary Eunice nodded her head in confirmation. “Then I suppose we just, wait.”

“And just sit here with his dead body?” Mary Eunice asked incredulously.

A cold fear had begun to set back into Lana’s bones, as she looked at Thredson’s slumped face. Even in death she feared him, he was right, how pathetic, she thought. “It’s just, if we leave, we can’t make sure he’s, I just want to make sure he’s really…” Lana trailed off, but Mary Eunice understood. If she let his corpse out of her sight before the police got there, his death would no longer be certain in her brain. 

“Then let’s wait.”

Lana began to adjust her arm, wanting to hold Mary Eunice for comfort, but remembering her shocked look at Thredson’s implication that there was romance between them, she thought better of it. Needing something to focus on that wasn’t the corpse in the middle of the room, Lana adjusted her gaze to the terrified Mary Eunice. In a flash to woman’s face turned sinister in Lana’s mind, remembering her taunting her about her failed attempt at an abortion, but then, just as quickly, she saw face of the woman who had stabbed her attacker, she heard Mary Eunice scream “GET OFF HER!” as her face twisted into an indignant fury. She was beautiful, Lana realized, in both her rage and her fear she was beautiful. 

“Thank you,” Lana whispered, finally breaking the silence. Mary Eunice looked over at her, confused. “If you didn’t stab him, I don’t know what would have happened. You saved me. Thank you sister.”

“Not Sister,” she mumbled, finding her voice after the shocked silence. “And you wouldn’t have needed saving if I didn’t endanger you in the first place.”

“No.” Lana said, her voice shaking with conviction. “You are not the person who did those things to me, or to the others. You’re the person who saved me, I see that clearly now.” This time when Lana comforted her, she truly believed in Mary Eunice’s innocence, and for a second, Lana’s belief shook her intense feelings of guilt. It was only for a moment however, and Mary Eunice shook her head softly, still remembering everything she had done while under the control of the demon. She said nothing though, not wanting to have to debate Lana on her own guilt, but her feelings were easily read by the older woman.

“Is that why you don’t think you’re a nun anymore? Because of the evil things the Demon did? Because you’re not responsible for any of that Sister Mary Eunice. You don’t have to leave the church just because you feel guilty.”

“I violated my vows, Lana. I am no longer pure.” Mary Eunice said, wiping tears from her eyes and willing them to stop. How much longer would it take for her to cry herself dry? It seemed her tears were neverending.

“So go to confession,” Lana insisted, “your virtue can be restored through that, right?”

“Confession won’t restore my virginity.”

“Oh.” Lana said, understanding growing on her face. Then more gently she asked, “is that what he meant? When he was talking about you and the Monsignor?”

Mary Eunice nodded her head in reply, “I raped him,” she whispered, her face contorting in pain. “I’m no better than Thredson,” she sobbed before feeling Lana tense beside her.

Realizing her insensitivity she began apologizing profusely before Lana put her hand on Mary Eunice’s face to silence her. “You’re not as bad as him, Mary Eunice. Did you want to do that to the Monsignor?”

“N-no” she sputtered, “I tried so hard to stop it, I begged the demon to stop it, but it didn’t care. I wasn’t strong enough, I was never strong enough.” she began sobbing again.

“How could it possibly be your fault then? You didn’t consent anymore than he did. You were both victims.” Lana gently squeezed Mary Eunice’s arm, pleading with her to stop blaming herself.

“No I, I should have stopped it. It was my body who did that to him. I ruined his life, he can’t serve anymore than I can. He wanted to be Pope, and now I’ve taken that from him”

Lana let out an incredulous laugh, “Monsignor Timothy? Pope? He really thinks highly of himself huh?”

This did nothing to amuse Mary Eunice, “I’ve ruined his relationship with God, now I must be a faithful wife to him to help fix it.” she said, her body shuddering at the thought.

“Wait, what?!” Lana asked, concern and confusion springing up in her eyes.

“Timothy believes it’s the only way to remain holy in the eyes of God. Now that we have committed sins of the flesh together, we cannot serve God as we once did, and we also cannot seek other relationships without committing adultery. We are bound together now, whether we like it or not.” Mary Eunice said, with despair in her voice. “The ceremony will be tomorrow, he says he wants to do it quickly in case I’m- in case I’m pregnant.”

Lana shuddered at this, and Mary Eunice quickly began apologizing again. We’re sitting next to her dead rapist that I set loose and all I can talk about is myself she thought. “Are you okay?” she asked Lana, gently.

Lana nodded her head, “yeah I’m- I’ll be fine.” her fingers absentmindedly made their way across her stomach, wondering if the child inside her was a monster or not.

“What are you gonna do?” Mary Eunice asked, watching her with more compassion in her eyes than Lana thought possible.

“I don’t know.” Lana replied after a moment. “I just, I don’t think I could love it, knowing how it was made, who it’s father was. I would never be able to care for it.” Mary Eunice hummed her understanding, not wanting to push Lana further than she wanted to go into the topic. “Would you judge me if I got rid of it?” Lana asked nervously.

Mary Eunice replied quickly “No Lana, there’s lots of parents out there who can’t have kids, I’m sure they would find a good-”

Lana cut her off “I don’t mean adoption.”

“Oh,” Mary Eunice said, nodding her head in understanding.

“I know Catholics are against it, but, this thing might actually be the next anti-christ, wouldn’t it be my responsibility to stop it from coming into this world?” Lana asked, only half joking.

Mary Eunice let out a deep sigh, “A long time ago I had a friend named Tatiana. We met while we were both in our postulancy, studying to become nuns. Father Vincent, one of the Priests, took an interest in her. He offered to help her with her bible study, and she would go to his office all the time. She loved the attention he gave her, she told me once he felt like the father she never had.” Lana nodded as she listened, a knot in her stomach forming as she realized where this story was going. “She looked up to him, she trusted him, and one day he took advantage of that. She showed up to our room, her clothing torn, crying. She told me what had happened, what he did to her.” 

Mary Eunice’s voice began to shake, remembering her traumatized friend. “She made me promise not to tell anyone. Father Vincent was well respected in the church, no one would have believed her. Weeks later, she found out she was pregnant. She was so scared, all she wanted was to devote herself to God, but that horrible man had destroyed that for her. She didn’t have a family to go back to, no income to support a child. So she did the only thing she felt she could do. I scraped up what money I had to help her pay for it, I even went with her. She was sad for awhile after that, unsure if she had done the right thing, wondering about what might have been. Eventually Father Vincent was sent on a mission elsewhere, and she began to realize she was as free from what had happened as she could be. The nightmares slowed, she continued her bible studies alone, she regained herself.” Mary Eunice smiled for a moment, remembering how strong Tatiana was, and how proud she was of her friend for making it through what had happened. “I would never judge your decision on what you do with your body Lana. That’s your choice to make, no one else’s. What happened to you was horrible, and if you don’t want to bring the consequences of that into this world, I understand, and so would God I think.”

Lana thought for a moment, baffled at the story Mary Eunice just told her. “I think you may be the only nun in the world who thinks that, but thank you.” She responded.

“I’m not a nun, remember?” Mary Eunice replied sadly.

Lana sighed, troubled by the guilt Mary Eunice was unfairly placing on herself. “Your friend, Tatiana, did she go on to become a nun?”

“Yes, she’s a very well respected leader in her community, we still write occasionally.” Mary Eunice replied.

“Then why can’t you?” Lana retorted in a tone usually reserved for tough interviews.

“It’s not the same thing,” Mary Eunice responded, quickly trying to find a way to justify herself to Lana. Why wouldn’t she just let it go? It was none of her business, she could never understand what it felt like to have your relationship with God ripped apart like Mary Eunice and Timothy had.

But the reporter dug deeper, unwilling to drop the line of questioning. “It is the same thing though, you were both forced into those situations, neither of you had a choice. So why does Tatiana get to become a well respected nun and you have to punish yourself by marrying a man you clearly don’t want to marry?” Lana bit back, too forcefully. “That’s what this is, isn’t it? Self inflicted punishment. You don’t actually believe Timothy that this is what will make God happy with you, you’re just-”

Mary Eunice cut her off, tears springing up in her eyes again. “It doesn’t matter what I believe. Don’t you get it Lana? I hurt Timothy, I ruined his life and made him feel unholy, if this is what he believes will make it right again then I have a duty to follow through with it.”

“What do you believe Mary Eunice?” Lana interrogated, but before she could get an answer footsteps rained down the hall.

“Police, stay where you are and put your hands up!” rang a man’s voice as two office charged into the bakery.


End file.
